Modern-Day Pharisees and the Politics of Abortion

Then the scribes and the Pharisees brought a woman who had been caught in adultery and made her stand in the middle. They said to him, "Teacher, this woman was caught in the very act of committing adultery. Now in the law, Moses commanded us to stone such women. So what do you say?" They said this to test him, so that they could have some charge to bring against him. Jesus bent down and began to write on the ground with his finger. But when they continued asking him, he straightened up and said to them, "Let the one among you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her." Again he bent down and wrote on the ground. And in response, they went away one by one, beginning with the elders. So he was left alone with the woman before him.

Then Jesus straightened up and said to her, "Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you? She replied, "No one, sir." Then Jesus said, "Neither do I condemn you. Go, (and) from now on do not sin any more." (The Gospel of John, Chapter 8, v. 3 - 11)

There is something particularly striking about this Gospel passage. It’s not the first time that Jesus is challenged by his Pharisaic colleagues, not even the first time that he is challenged to condemn someone’s behavior per the precepts of Mosaic law. What is most noteworthy is that he not only refuses to obey the law of Moses, he does so in defense of a woman, someone with limited legal status in ancient Hebraic society. (Notice that her presumably male partner is not also brought to Jesus for condemnation and punishment). Jesus’ refusal to capitulate to the authority of Mosaic law is no small deal among religious Jews, either then or now.

I bring this up in light of a recent event involving a neoconservative Republican, Douglas Kmiec. He happens to be a lifelong Catholic, is a professor at conservative Pepperdine University, a one-time member of the Reagan Administration, and a long-time critic of the Supreme Court's decision in the case of Roe v. Wade. Therefore, naturally, he was denied the right to receive Holy Communion at a recent gathering of Catholic business people.

Come again? That's right. What became something of a fad during the 2004 presidential campaign, when certain Catholic bishops threatened to withhold communion from pro-choice candidate John Kerry, Catholic clerics apparently have their sights on ANYONE who does not toe the Vatican line on abortion 110%. And what was Professor Kmiec's sin? He, to the shock and surprise of his conservative friends and colleagues, endorsed the presidential candidacy of Senator Barack Obama (D-IL). The logic here is that, in supporting someone who is pro-choice, Kmiec is essentially supporting abortion, which, according to Catholic teaching, is never, ever permissible, even when it is necessary to save the life of the mother.

Kmiec has made his own statement on the matter. For myself, I would simply like to point out that this incident highlights certain aspects of Catholic teaching and orthodox Catholic (Pharisaic?) behavior that I find to be troubling and that sadden me personally.

• Jesus was a sworn enemy of public hypocrites, as any good Catholic ought to know. Therefore, the cleric who denied communion to Prof. Kmiec should be very, very nervous right about now. He singled out Kmiec for his support of the Democratic candidate for president in a room full of Republicans who presumably have supported anti-Christian Republican policies and the politicians who crafted these. Who among these did this grandstanding (as as yet seemingly unnamed) cleric deny communion to? Jesus forgave the woman caught in adultery; he did not condemn her or allow others to. Jesus broke bread at the Last Supper with his disciples, men he knew to be flawed and whom he knew would abandon him in his hour of need. Exactly which of these was denied communion by Jesus himself? In my opinion, this cleric needed to stop and ask himself, What would Jesus do?
  
• The Vatican's worldwide campaign to stamp out abortion, and with it adequate reproductive health services for women, lends aid and comfort to those cultures who also use religion to subjugate women. Particularly, women living in societies where Sharia law is strictly interpreted and enforced and who are subjected to atrocities such as genital mutilation, stoning and other forms of "honor" killing for transgressing strict codes of conduct and morality that apply to women, but not to men. Is the Vatican truly comfortable sharing any level of association with any culture or society that would treat its women so cruelly? If the Church wants the world to take it seriously when it waxes philosophic on the "woman as masterpiece of God's creation", it needs to back up these words with actions and policies that truly reflect the sentiment they espouse.
  

Senator Obama is not pro-abortion, and is on record as stating that abortion is an issue that saddens him, that has a deeply moral component, but that is something that is intensely personal to the woman who must weigh whether or not abortion is the appropriate choice for her to make, given her individual circumstances. Jesus did not defend the woman in the gospel story because he thought that adultery is A-OK. He refused to condemn her because he understood that there is more to explaining a person's behavior than to say yes she did, or no she didn't, and that understanding the circumstances of someone's behavior can make the crucial difference in evaluating its moral component. He understood that a woman without power or standing before God and the law was at the mercy of men, men who wrote and kept the rules of conduct. In like fashion, Senator Obama is choosing to place his trust in women to make informed decisions about this serious matter with health care professionals who are in the best position to judge what the best health options are. To choose to condemn abortion and the women who have them out of hand is to side with the Pharisees who are uninterested in taking into consideration the possibly painful circumstances of the woman they stand in judgment over.

It is my true wish that Catholics and others among the Pro Life movement could bring themselves to understand that Pro Choice does not equal Pro Abortion. No one that I know or that I am aware of who supports abortion rights does so because they are pleased to see embryos and fetuses destroyed. They do so because they recognize the hard truth that under certain circumstances the painful decision to abort a pregnancy is the best decision for the mother in question. I can't excuse any woman from the obligation to carefully weigh this particular decision, its moral component and its consequences. However, neither will I join modern-day Pharisees who refuse to consider the circumstances under which a women would make this decision and condemn her. Jesus would do likewise, this I know, for the Bible tells me so. Senator Obama and Douglas Kmiec have thankfully gotten the message. Shalom.

- Doug L.

FOR FURTHER REFERENCE:

Why the Christian Right fears Obama, by Daniel Gilgoff (USATODAY.com, June 16, 2008)

When faith is front and center, by Douglas W. Kmiec (The Chicago Tribune, June 16, 2008)

For an "Obamacon," Communion Denied, by E.J. Dionne (The Washington Post, June 3, 2008)

Abortion rights lawmakers to receive communion (Brietbart.com, April 16, 2008)

Evolution of Church Teaching on Abortion (ReligiousTolerance.org)

Catholics For Choice

Teachings of the Magisterium on Abortion (PriestsForLife.org)

ThirdWay.org

The Ethics of Abortion, by John Hoad (EthicalManifold.net, February 11, 2003)

How to Decide Whether or Not to Get an Abortion (wikiHow.com)

The Real Dream Ticket: Martin and Bobby for Sainthood

This week's Washington Post reports that the Catholic Church is moving with great speed to beatify the late Karol Józef Wojty, better known as Pope John Paul II. John Paul presided as pope for 27 years, second in duration only to the papacy of Pius IX. For those unfamiliar with Church terminology, beatification is a necessary step in a candidate's journey to sainthood, or canonization. Some candidates stall out at the state of beatification, while others make it all the way to sainthood.

Beatification is tough, but Canonization is even tougher. To be beatified, a candidate must be judged to have lived a life worth emulating by others, AND there must be proof that he or she committed at least one miraculous act. In order to be canonized, a second, posthumous miracle must be documented. Typically what the Vatican is looking for is solid proof that the deceased candidate is in God's good graces in Heaven, and has the power to literally respond to prayers of people on earth. No small feat!

The waiting period that is typically required before any of these proceedings can begin is five years after the death of the candidate in question. The pope reserves the authority to waive this requirement, as Pope Benedict the XVI has obviously done for his predecessor. I have no personal beef with this, but would like to suggest that if we are going to pull out all the stops for someone who has been dead for only three years, can we give some serious consideration for two men who have been dead for 40 years? I am referring to both Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., and Senator Robert F. Kennedy. Please stay with me, because I am not kidding and I don't mean for this suggestion to be taken lightly. Apply the Church criteria to the life and actions of each man, and tell me that they don't sail to sainthood:

• Lives worthy of emulation of others: King and Kennedy lived lives of intense passion and courage, which they, in their own fashion, dedicated to peace and social justice for all Americans. Their shared commitment to these causes continue to serve as touchstones for those of us who have come after them, living guideposts for those who aspire to realize the dream of a just and prosperous world for which they lived and died.
  
• Miracle #1: Dr. King harnessed a movement that would come to define the history of the second half of 20th Century America. He transformed the legal, political and social landscape for African Americans and White Americans alike. The descendant of slaves, he reshaped American history and made it more possible for America as a nation to be more true to its constitutional heritage than ever before.
• Miracle #1: Senator Kennedy was born a son of privilege, wealthy before he ever needed to earn his own living. He attended the finest schools in the country and saw more of the world as a young boy and young man than most adult Americans. Yet he made common cause with the poor, the dispossessed and the voiceless of our nation.
• Miracle #2: The Church stresses that the second miracle needs to be performed posthumously, providing evidence that the deceased lives with God in Heaven and has been granted power by God to intercede in the lives of people here on earth. I don't personally know of anyone who prays or has prayed to either Dr. King or Sen. Kennedy. Nevertheless, when Sen. Barack Obama became the first African American to clinch the presidential nomination of any major political party this week, I could not help but feel that both Dr. King and Sen. Kennedy both lent spiritual support to the Obama campaign from beyond. Sen. Obama will give his acceptance speech at the Democratic National Convention in Denver 45 years to the day from when Dr. King gave his historic I Have a Dream Speech. Sen. Obama has also literally been handed the Kennedy mantle of leadership by none other than Sen. Ted Kennedy, the late senator's brother. All of these intersections with King and Kennedy, and we're supposed to believe that the two of them aren't working in support of Barack Obama? I don't think so!
  

Tom Toles political cartoon
The Washington Post, June 6, 2008

The event that is central to Christianity is the death and resurrection of Jesus. In the wake of his arrest and crucifixion at the hands of the Romans, his mother and disciples were thunderstruck by grief at the magnitude of their loss and the violent manner by which it occurred. On the Sunday after he was crucified, however, the Gospels relate that Jesus appeared to his disciples after rising from the tomb. While some were incredulous and some were confused, they were all eventually overjoyed at his return. Their pain and loss had been redeemed, their hope restored that Jesus' message could still be realized.

Neither Dr. King nor Sen. Kennedy were Jesus Christ, and when they were assassinated, everyone who experienced that loss knew that it was for real and it was permanent. Two of the most special, transformational leaders in the history of America had been brutally taken, with no hope of their return. It has been 40 years since that awful spring when the hopes and dreams of a generation aching for a better America were snuffed out in a puff of smoke from the barrel of a gun. Forty years is a much longer time to wait for redemption than 3 days. After so much time, do we dare to dream and hope again, now that Sen. Obama is the presumptive Democratic nominee, that everything that Dr. King and Sen. Kennedy both worked to achieve is once again within our grasp? Maybe so, but I'm not taking any chances. Hoping and dreaming are fine, but for myself I'm gonna pray to St. Martin and St. Bobby every day from now until the election! Shalom.

- Doug L.

Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr.
"I've Been to the Mountaintop"
Memphis, TN- April 3, 1968


Robert F. Kennedy's Impromptu Speech
on the Assassination of Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr.
Indianapolis, IN, April 4, 1968


FOR FURTHER REFERENCE:

The King Center

Robert F. Kennedy Memorial

Robert Kennedy, Arlington National Cemetary

What He Overcame, by Eugene Robinson (The Washington Post, June 6, 2008)

Obama's Bridge Between MLK and RFK, by John Avlon (RealClearPolitics.com, June 6, 2008)

Kennedy: "It's now time for Barack Obama." (CNN.com, January 28, 2008)

The Yooper Zen Art of Serenity

Unkosher Jesus readers might recall a book review that I posted last May for a book by my good friend, Rob Balmes. It is entitled, Ten Spiritual Lessons for a Balanced Life, and contains some simple yet profound insights on life and how to live it that Rob has experienced over time. Rob recently penned another piece on certain bits of wisdom that have been passed on to him by important women in his life. I am posting it here because I feel these insights are applicable to all people of any faith tradition. So, without further ado, please enjoy The Wisdom of Yooper Women.

A Yooper is a native of the Upper Peninsula, or U.P., of Michigan, which is located in the remote part of the state. I’m from the beautiful city of Marquette, located along the pristine, yet icy shoreline of Lake Superior. I recommend everyone go visit the U.P. and Lake Superior at some point in your life. But make sure and wear plenty of clothing. Dress in warm layers- and that advice is for summer visits! If you decide to go visit in the fall or winter, well, you’re on your own. Good luck.

The great thing about growing up in the U.P. is not only being surrounded by a beautiful, natural environment, it’s the people. Yoopers are a rare breed and pass on from generation to generation a set of great core values based on hard work, honesty, integrity, loyalty and most importantly a friendly down-to-earth nature. So I am proud to have been raised in that environment and it helped make me the person I am today.

In honor of Mother’s Day, I’d like to talk about three Yooper women in my life and how they have had a profound impact on raising me and making me the person I am today. They each taught me one invaluable lesson on life which reflects the values I cherish and how I live my life every day. These three Yooper women are my mother and two grandmothers.

My mother, Mary, was born and raised in Sault Sainte Marie Michigan on the St. Mary’s River, just across from Canada. She has spent her entire life living for the moment, the now, trying to experience all she can with her time. This is reflected in her life, having multiple degrees and several different careers. She has instilled in me the lesson that life is about experience. The most profound statement she ever made to me was that at this moment in time, we’re here because of the multitude of life experiences we have each had and the decisions we have made. At this very moment, we are here because of everything that has happened to us in this life. It’s all led us to this moment in time, so enjoy it and realize that you’re all here for a reason. I have continued with this message in my life so far by always trying new things, new jobs and experience as much as possible and that’s the type of person I wish to be throughout my entire life.

My maternal grandmother, Fran, was born a Canadian. She became an adopted Yooper, a Yooper-Canuck you might say. She passed away just last October a couple weeks shy of her 83rd birthday. My grandmother was a very kind and loving woman. But for much of her adult life, she had a very difficult time getting in a word edge-wise with her five boisterous and extroverted children and very strong, extroverted Irish husband. So with a quiet grand kid like me, she’d take the opportunity to share her wisdom and pass on words of advice. And I remember when I was deciding whether I was capable of leaving the U.P. to move to East Lansing and attend Michigan State University, she sat me down one evening after one of her delicious pot roast dinners. Every Sunday, she’d cook delicious meals for her children and grand kids. She said now Rob, when you make big decisions in life, always remember to follow your heart—follow the burning excitement of your soul. Burning excitement of your soul? At that time, I didn't exactly know what that meant, but I could tell she was very serious. At that moment, I was also experiencing massive heart burn. My heart and soul was ablaze in fire. Raging in pain. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that this was the case since she worked so hard at cooking the great meal. But it was a profound statement and connection that I’d never forget both literally and figuratively. To this day, I base all my major decisions on following that burning excitement inside, heartburn free of course, but with the full intention to move forward, to chase that impulse and desire to achieve my dreams.

The third Yooper woman who I want to talk about is my paternal grandma, Ruth. Ruth is almost 91 years old, lives on her own, drives her own car, and tends to her garden all summer long. She is an amazing and healthy woman. I hope that I have an ounce of her genes somewhere in me, because if I do then I am in great shape. But I think a big part of why she has lived so long is based on the fact that she doesn’t let the nitty gritty, mundane aspects of life get to her. She doesn’t get consumed by internal stress or worry. Whenever it happens, she always turns everything over to God. She has always told me to let God handle the details or the bigger picture. God is in control, not you. So focus every day of your life on doing your best and going for it, but let God handle how things work out. It’s a simple, yet profound statement on how to live life. I get caught up so much in my the details of my own life, worrying and stewing over what’s going to happen next, but when I am overwhelmed by anxiety and anticipation, her timeless wisdom always sets me straight. Just let God or the higher power, whatever your spiritual faith is, handle the outcome. Great words to live by.

In summary, remember that Yoopers are natives of the Upper Peninsula of Michigan, live life to the fullest and experience all you can, follow your heart—the burning excitement of your soul, and then let God handle the details. These are great lessons for us all.

FOR FURTHER REFERENCE:

Ten Spiritual Lessons for a Balanced Life (Amazon.com)

Gaia.com: Community That Changes the World

The Gaia Trust (Gaia.org)

DailyZen.com

I Wanna be a Yooper t-shirt (Gladsone BP Gifts and Car Wash)

ExploringTheNorth.com: The Upper Peninsula of Michigan Traveler

Upper Peninsula of Michigan's Superior Sights (SuperiorSights.com)

UPTravel.com

Da Yoopers-dot-com

Hofenung Jews Can Believe In

The State of Israel turns 60 this year. Gliklech geboirn-tog, Israel! To mark the occasion, let's engage in some Barack Talk. What does one thing have to do with the other? Oh, nothing more than the urban legend that Senator Obama is a Muslim who is hostile to Jews and to Israel, and that is enthusiastically perpetuated by neoconservative Zionists here in America. Meet two members of the American Jewish community on a paranoid mission to uncover Barack Obama's "deception" about his Muslim identity and anti-Semitic tendencies.

• Debbie Schlussel: Debbie's a classy broad. See the URL for her "I-heart-Barack" page? She calls him Barack Hussein. Get it? Emphasis on the Hussein. Good one, Debster. Classy touch.
• Daniel Pipes: Debbie baby, you gave paranoid hatred a run for its money, but like any good conservative woman, you should know better than to try and out-do a man. Meet Daniel Pipes. If you enter "Barack Obama" into the search engine of his blog, your resulting hits will reveal the unhinged writings of a man obsessed with Senator Obama's supposed Islamic identity.

Thankfully, there are other American Jews who take a more reasoned and objective view of Senator Obama, and who are not willing to engage in the gutter art of character assassination in order to malign him with false accusations and allegations. For example:

• My Neighbor, Barack, by Rabbi Arnold Jacob Wolf (The Jewish Week, March 19, 2008). Consider Rabbi Wolf's insightful comments with regard to Rev. Wright: "Of course, race is only one issue on which Wright has stepped beyond the bounds of civil discourse. He's frequently made statements regarding Israel and the Jewish community that I find troubling. But to limit our understanding of Obama to the ill-conceived comments of the man who once led his church is dishonest and self-defeating." Indeed.
• Obama on Zionism and Hamas, by Jeffrey Goldberg (AtlanticMonthly.com, May 12, 2008): "The point is, if you look at my writings and my history, my commitment to Israel and the Jewish people is more than skin-deep and it’s more than political expediency."
  

Why all the blood, sweat and tears to promote the lie that Obama is Muslim, even that he is hostile to Jews and to Israel? Does it have anything to do with his willingness to exercise any amount of objectivity in evaluating any of Israel's policies and actions? I think it does. Is that sufficient reason to attempt to defame and malign the man with lies and inneuendo? I don't think so at all. These actions are indefensible, and add nothing constructive to any dialogue having to do with the security of Israel and peace and stability in the Middle East.

"Heil y'all doin'?"
All this ink spilt to promote the demonstrably false story that Senator Obama is a Muslim, along with all of the Rev. Wright guilt-by-association tactics. All this energy perpetuating lies and distortions. Meanwhile, Senator John McCain is endorsed by one of the most dangerous, war-mongering, meglomaniacal "religious" figures in the country, Rev. John Hagee. Yet as it happens, Rev. Hagee, who has described "how Jews are cursed collectively because the ancient Hebrews once worshiped idols," is embraced by the same neocons who castigate Senator Obama. Why? Because Hagee is the leader of a movement called Christian Zionism, and specifically an organized movement called Christians United for Israel. Obviously, this terminology gives the appearance that Rev. Hagee and his followers are ardent Judophiles. However, take a listen to some of his rants, and suddenly Rev. Jeremiah Wright seems like one of the more lucid, rationale minds of our time.

Talking Points Memo TV:
John McCain Continues to Embrace John Hagee


Hagee and his followers may try and pass themselves off as supporters of Israel and friends of the Jewish people. But anyone who wants to take the time to look will find loads of evidence pointing to their ulterior motive, i.e., the restoration of the Jewish State of Israel, which will lead to Armageddon, which leads to the Second Coming of Jesus Christ, which leads to all non-Christians converting to Christianity, and and all non-believers will be torn to shreds and eaten alive a la Left Behind, et cetera, etc., The End.

Rapture Ready: The Unauthorized
Christians United for Israel Tour


How can anyone honestly think that poisonous gasbags like Hagee and his ilk are concerned with Israel's well-being for its own sake? That is a seriously dangerous delusion. Given that, Joe Lieberman apparently has one of the softest, most malleable minds on all of Capitol Hill, or one of the most duplicitous. He has either swallowed all of this Christian Zionist tripe, hook, line and sinker, or he is willing to join the ranks of someone as odious as Hagee to promote his own personal political agenda. This one-time Democratic nominee for the Vice Presidency has endorsed John McCain for president- just like Rev. John Hagee! Senator Joe Lieberman wants to bomb Iran back to the stone age- just like John Hagee! And Senator Joe Lieberman fervently awaits the Second Coming of Jesus Christ and the conversion of all Jews to Christianity- just like John Hagee! Oh, um, maybe not so much on that last one. But, hey, two out of three ain't bad. And what's a small difference of opinion among friends?

Whatever else can be said about Barack Obama, either good or ill, he is not a Muslim- not that there's anything wrong with that. And even if he was a practicing Muslim, so what? Would this automatically make him a radical terrorist, or an anti-Semitic foe of Israel? No, and those who conflate the two do nothing but poison the atmosphere and choke off the possibility for rational, constructive discussion of the important issues facing our country. Barack Obama is a friend to Jews and a supporter of the State of Israel. Those who disagree with his positions as a presidential candidate do a disservice to him and to political discourse in this country when they smear him with unsubstantiated charges of Islamic radicalism and anti-Semitism.

From my point of view, the candidacy of Barack Obama represents hope - hofenung - for all Americans, Jew and Gentile alike. The ranting, fear-mongering and saber-rattling of Pipes, Schlussel, Hagee and others is garbage- opfal- we should all beware of. Israel is a beautiful country that is entitled to exist in peace and to defend itself against aggression and terror. It is also entitled to better friends than Rev. Hagee, Debbie Schlussel or Pipes, friends who are willing to be honest in both their praise and their criticism of Israel's actions. Friends like Senator Barack Obama. Shalom.

- Doug L.

FOR FURTHER REFERENCE (Updated May 22, 2008):

Barack Obama Video:
Hope Changes Everything (YouTube.com)


John Hagee Loves Hitler More than McCain! (Wonkette.com, May 21, 2008)

Obama Admires Bush, by David Brooks (New York Times, May 16, 2008)

McCain in the Mud, by Richard Cohen (The Washington Post, May 13, 2008)

ChristianZionism.org- Challenging Christian Zionism and Apocalyptic Rapture Teachings on Israel and Palestine

A Jewish Renewal Understanding of the State of Israel, by Rabbi Michael Lerner (Tikkun.org)

The Cynic and Senator Obama, by Charles P. Pierce (Esquire Magazine, June 2008)

Where Wright Goes Wrong, by Eugene Robinson (The Washington Post, April 29, 2008)

Obama at a Crossroads, by Horace Campbell (Tikkun.org, March 20, 2008)

Barack Obama is Building a Religion (Wonkette.com, March 7, 2008)

What'll It Be, America? Religious Pluralism or Apocalypse Now? (UnkosherJesus.com, November 27, 2007)

Religious Pluralism Part II: Overcoming the Conservative Hate Machine (UnkosherJesus.com, November 29, 2007)

Survey SAYS!...

An open letter to My followers, by Jesus Christ

Hey everyone, Jesus here. I know I don't usually communicate with you this way, but after I read USA TODAY this week, I knew it was time for me to just come out and put some stuff to you as plainly as possible. I'm usually happy to let you simply analyze My teachings and come up with your own conclusions about what I want from My followers, but, well, let's just say I'm rethinking the wisdom of that whole approach, given how things have gone for the past 2,000 or so years since I left.

People, I'm going to come straight to the point and say that some of you are simply not cutting it as My followers. If you keep it up I'm going to have to sue for defamation of character, or unauthorized use of My name, or some such. Seriously, people, have you seen this recent survey? This thing was conducted by LifeWay Research (Biblical Solutions for Life)- not exactly the kind of outfit with a hidden agenda to defame Christians. Yet it's right there in their findings:

"A full 72 percent of the people interviewed said they think the church ‘is full of hypocrites,’" Stetzer said. "At the same time, however, 71 percent of the respondents said they believe Jesus ‘makes a positive difference in a person’s life’ and 78 percent said they would ‘be willing to listen’ to someone who wanted to share what they believed about Christianity."

Um, excuse me? Seventy-two percent of those polled think the church is full of hypocrites?! Now, I didn't actually author the gospels myself or anything like that, but don't they tend to describe hypocrites as, like, the type of people I completely could not stand? Yeah, I think they do, and yet here American poll respondents are telling YOU, certain members of My American flock, that somehow the guy who despised hypocrisy more than any other guy in, like, all of history, is worshiped by none other than a bunch of hypocrites. Great job, people. Thanks. I'm sure My message of peace, compassion, love and forgiveness- oh, and that other part about don't be a hypocrite- will be really well received by people who think My messengers are a bunch of hypocrites.

Oh, and could you be any more clueless about yourselves? "What is it about the faith we live that causes our culture to like Jesus but reject the church?" asks LifeWay Research Director Ed Stetzer. Try this on for size, jefe: maybe people have a favorable impression of me, Jesus Christ, because I'm, you know, the all-forgiving Prince of Peace, while you and your church are the ones running around separating My Dad's world between those who are "churched" and "unchurched". I mean, duh! I look in the dictionary for the definition of obnoxious, I see a picture of some evangelical "Christian" pounding his version of My message into some poor guy's face. Yeah, what is it about preachy evangelical Christianity that people are completely sick of and fed up with? Yeah, I wonder.

Look, I apologize for being harsh and a little sarcastic. It happens when I lose My temper, but still, My bad. Thing is, though, My message is as important to Me today as it was to Me when I first preached it over 2,000 years ago. I mean, I was flogged and crucified for that message, and don't go thinking that 2,000 years is enough time to ever forget about THAT. Point is, I love you all, I really do, but I have to tell you, you need to find another way. The world has some huge problems, my message was intended to provide a way for people to solve problems though acts of love, forgiveness and selflessness, and yet you're clearly falling down on the job. I mean, the United States is teetering on the brink of recession, for one thing. Think that might have an impact on the quality of life for people around the world? Yeah, so do I, especially poor people. And working overtime to convert non-Christians helps to address this problem how, exactly? Oh, and thousands of people are leaving their homes and streaming into the United States every week in search of a better life. They're called illegal immigrants. Maybe you've heard about this problem? I thought so. Now, flash quiz: ever hear of the Corporal Works of Mercy? Good, then maybe you know the one about Welcoming the Stranger. OK, I know, it doesn't say Welcome the Stranger in there, not word-for-word, but still. How you doing with that one, America?

OK, now I'm rambling. Look, I know that there are four pretty lengthy gospels that you use to read about My teachings. On top of that, if you ever took the time to look you'd find that there are even other versions where I do and say a whole bunch of other stuff they don't tell you about at church every Sunday. For all that has been written, though, I don't think it's real hard to boil My message down to its essence. Someone once asked Me, "Teacher, which commandment in the law is the greatest?" I replied, "You shall love the Lord, your God, with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the greatest and the first commandment. The second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. The whole law and the prophets depend on these two commandments."

OK, so, to recap: Love God with all your heart and soul, and love your neighbor as yourself. The message is simple, but I never said that living it would be. That goes especially for those of you (you know who you are) who think that all you have to do is "get saved" by Me, and then you are basically scott-free from any responsibility for your actions for the rest of your life. Seriously, that is the most obnoxious cop-out and the world's lamest excuse to be a self-righteous load I ever heard of. Talk is cheap, and what I am really interested in seeing are love, forgiveness, and compassion in action. I didn't live and die the way I did in order for people to talk about loving one another. I was hoping to motivate them to actually do it. Oh, and newsflash: when you're running around trying to convert non-Christians, this can actually get in the way of actually loving and relating to them as one human being to another. I don't need you all working to make everyone else a true believer: I need you to work together WITH EVERYONE to make the world a better place FOR EVERYONE.

This week's survey findings and my little op-ed will hopefully serve as a wake-up call for y'all. You know I'm here to help. Just lay off of the conversion angle. Believe it or not, I love everyone, and no, I don't just mean Christian believers. And yes, just so you know, the same goes for my Dad. Lay off of the obnoxious proselytizing and just focus on the core of my message: love God, love your neighbor as your love yourself. You get that down, the rest ought to become a lot clearer.

Peace, love and happiness,

Jesus Christ

(PUBLISHER'S NOTE: This piece not actually written by Jesus Christ.)

FOR FURTHER REFERENCE:

Survey: Non-attendees find faith outside church (USA TODAY, January 10, 2008)

Is Christian Proselytizing Linked to Religious Hate Crimes? (ReligiousTolderance.org)

Ex-Jews for Jesus

Maryknoll: The U.S. Catholic Mission Movement

The Squandering of America, by Robert Kuttner

Peace Corps

AmeriCorps

Idealist.org (Action Without Borders)